September 1, 2018


Say it.

And, again.

Now, did you actually mean it? Probably not. A large majority of people give their power to their fears, other people and their situations.

This is called being the victim of your circumstance.

I know that sounds harsh, and cold. But it's true. Your mind is giving into everything that makes you feel small and insignificant - you don't have a chance of empowering yourself when your mind is spinning it's tale of victimisation every chance it gets.

So, how do you fix it?

In the simplest of explanations, you need to use kinder language and thoughts when you talk to yourself. You need you use positive self-talk techniques.

Positive self-talk is very different to plain positive talk.

You can tell yourself that you are going to save a million dollars because you wrote it down as a wish to yourself, you can tell your self that you will live in your dream house because it's on your dream board, you can tell yourself that you will lose weight because you have meal prepped. This is all positive talk.

Whilst it is great to be  positive, all you've really done is say things. To make your mind automatically think positive thoughts, you actually need to have a conversation with yourself.

Positive talk is all good until something negative happens.

You get bills in the mail that were more than you expected, "I will never be able to save a million dollars, all I do is pay bills", the house market is continuing to rise so you start to think that "all I'm ever going to be able to afford is rent" and you eat something you didn't prep, "I have no self control, I'll never lose weight and look the way I want". 

See how easy it is for those positive thoughts to morph into negative?

That's when positive self-talk is so crucial.

We all talk to ourselves, sometimes out-loud, but a majority of the time it is in our head. Many thoughts pass through our mind throughout the day, have you ever thought about why you're thinking that thought? Where that thought came from?

Have you ever wondered why that little voice in your head is so quick to judge, complain, compare, dislike, speculate and imagine the worst possible scenario?

Why didn't you just think of something positive?

I'm going to confuse you here and tell you that not all negative self-talk is bad. But there is a time and a place for when it is necessary.

Let me explain.

Our negative thoughts are essentially a part of evolution. Think of the first people who lived in the Savannah, they trained themselves to survive. It was almost the birth of negative self-talk. Living in nature shaped the negative mind: the mind of quick judgement. It was much better for them to think that a rustling in a nearby bush was a deadly animal and be wrong, than to hear it and think ‘oh, it will be fine’ and be eaten by a Lion.

Negative self-talk for survival is okay, for some it's essential.

But, you don't need this in modern life. I'm pretty sure none of you are being hunted by lions.

Self-talk is an effective way for our mind to combine conscious thoughts and the self-conscious, it allows your brain to interpret and process your daily experience.

Lying in bed, particularly on the night's when sleep is still a little way out of reach, have you ever had a thought bubble to the top of your head? A thought that is really not very kind to you?

"I have so much fat on my stomach, no one could find this attractive. I'm never going to lose it. "

"I should have gone to that party tonight, but I doubt anyone has noticed that I'm not there."

"I just can't commit to this diet, why should I bother anymore?"

"I feel so gross."

They're harsh thoughts - but these are the thoughts many of the Lioness Lady's have before starting with me. Self-talk is where you challenge where these thoughts bubbled up from, this is your opportunity to take back some power and forever change the way you think about this topic.

For example:

"I have so much fat on my stomach, no one could find this attractive. I'm never going to lose it." Challenge this with, "who am I to say what is attractive? Why do I think I'll never lose it? I can lose it - I'm working on losing it. I won't let this set back hinder me further. I am stronger than my weakest paranoia. I am in a position where I can change this, I have a kitchen,  I have the internet. I will make this change and I will track it to watch my progress". 

Challenging your thoughts takes time, changing them permanently is a process. But, every time you think about your stomach, it will change. Because the positive self-talk you had with yourself is now attached to this negativity. Piece, by piece, you will reclaim your power on this topic. With positive self-talk, change will follow.

If you don't know how to challenge yourself, then start with this: every day write down one thing you said that was negative and one thing you said that was positive about yourself. 

Women will very rarely give themselves a compliment. So start simple, the fleeting thought you had when you looked in the mirror of "I'm having a great hair day" or "these clothes look really nice on me", or when you know you've got a busy day ahead and you think, "I'm making awesome time today - I've been so productive!". 

Positive things are there. They are there everyday, you just have to notice them.

Lets stop living in the negative - no more being quick to judge, complain, compare, dislike, speculate and imagine the worst case scenarios.

I doubt that after reading this you now think "oh, wow - yeah that was so easy! All positive self-talk from now on!". But, I do hope that it has opened your mind the reality that we are all living in. So, when you do start to judge, complain, compare, dislike, speculate and imagine the worst case scenarios. Ask yourself the following:

Do I have any proof that what I’m worrying about will happen?

Does what I think about always happen?

What is the worst thing that can happen?

What is so bad about the worst happening?

Can I learn anything by trying?

One last thought from me before I leave you to your own: always remember, awareness is a powerful tool to change past habits.

You have the power.

Love and light,

Hollie xx

belinda flowers


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